How To Build Affect Tolerance

🧠 Building Affect Tolerance: Learning to Ride the Waves of Emotion

What is affect tolerance? Affect tolerance means being able to feel strong emotions without becoming overwhelmed, shut down, or acting impulsively. It’s like building emotional muscle—so you can stay with your feelings long enough to understand and manage them.

You don’t have to get rid of emotions. You just need to learn how to stay present with them.

🌊 Step 1: Notice the Emotion

• Take a breath.

• Ask yourself: ➤ “What emotion am I feeling right now?” ➤ “Where do I feel it in my body?” ➤ “Is it rising, falling, stuck, or moving?”

👉 Tip: Use an emotion wheel to find the right word.

🧘 Step 2: Stay Grounded

Try one or two of these grounding tools to stay connected to the present:

👣 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding:

• 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can feel

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can taste or are grateful for

🌬️ Box Breathing:

• Inhale 4 seconds

• Hold 4 seconds

• Exhale 4 seconds

• Hold 4 seconds(Repeat for 1–3 minutes)

🧩 Step 3: Name It, Don’t Judge It

Say to yourself:

• “This is just a feeling.”

• “It’s okay to feel this way.”

• “This emotion will pass.”

Remind yourself: Emotions are like waves—they rise and fall.

🔄 Step 4: Use a Coping Skill (Not a Reaction)

When the emotion is strong, try one of these instead of reacting automatically:

• Squeeze ice in your hand

• Splash cold water on your face

• Go for a brisk walk

• Write out what you’re feeling

• Listen to calming music

• Use a “safe place” or calming imagery

🛠️ Step 5: Build a Toolbox

Write down skills that work for you when emotions feel overwhelming. Keep it somewhere you can refer to it and remind yourself as well as add to it anytime you discover new things that are effective for you.

💬 Reminder from Your Therapist:

It’s brave to feel. Every time you notice and stay with your emotions without avoiding or reacting, you're building emotional strength. It gets easier with practice.

We hope that you enjoyed reading our blog post! Here at Connections Counseling in Colorado Springs, our team strives to provide compassionate mental health care through psychoeducation and empathetic therapy sessions. Our therapists are working on learning and refining their counseling methods everyday to provide the best mental health care to our patients. Weekly, we will be adding more blog posts regarding counseling ideology and psychoeducation with articles on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Anxiety, Depression, Stress Management and much more! 

Located in South Colorado Springs, CO, Connections Counseling is here to help!

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719-428-5125

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